Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Third Time's a Charm

I have attempted to blog twice in the past 24 hours, but neither draft I wrote seemed right for this blog. They were both really honest about what I am working on these days and I'm not too sure just how open I should be in this blog.  I am struggling with writing about my weaknesses in detail only because it may come across as if I am whining about it. I want this blog to be a place of encouragement and uplifting dialogue....not a dumping ground for my negative thoughts. I hope that makes sense to you all.

I have never had my own blog before. And since that's the case, I also have never had gals from all over the country and somedays even from overseas reading my blog on a daily and/or weekly basis.  Because of that I am cautious to put out into this blog some things that I am wrestling with currently.  How transparent do I become in this blog? I truly believe that being vulnerable is a good thing only if it is the right timing for it. ha!

So, here's what I'm going to say today.  I am needing a deeper trusting heart, mind and soul in my God these days.  I find myself feeling stuck and immovable in certain areas of my life all because of anxieties and insecurities.  I know that there are self help books out there on helping a person gain self confidence and on helping a person learn to have more faith in God's plan, His mighty hand and His ability to restore our broken lives.  I get that.  I even have some of those books and read a few of them.  However, nothing is going to help me gain self confidence more than me finding the desire to "die to myself"; die to my hopes and dreams and to live for a higher for God's glory and renown. 

Now, for all you friends of mine that don't yet believe what I believe about God and His son Jesus Christ, it's okay.  You can still see that if we live just for ourselves and not for a greater cause it becomes consuming, and kills our spirit.  We become robotic in our approach to life.  To live for Christ's glory; to bring praise to His name each day is so rewarding and refreshing because to honor Christ is to love one another just as we love ourselves. Thus living for Jesus causes us to bless those around us basically because it is our response to the great love that Christ has given freely to us all.  However, I must say, that I live in such a state of anxiety sometimes that I can't even live out that which I just wrote. I become stuck.....worried and for who knows what reason.

So, I have been aware of my struggle for months now. I realize the craziness and I desire to break free.  Lately I've been reading the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis. It is a crazy tale of Joseph's enduring trust in God even when he's been sold into slavery by his brothers, put into prison without any reason, brought into a household where the master's wife wants to get with him every waking hour and so many other difficult situations beyond those.  Through that whole story, the Bible says several times that the Lord was with Joseph.  It speaks about God's steadfast love being with him always.  Another thing I read was in Philippians chapter 4.  It speaks about thinking only about things that are noble, right, pure, of good repute, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy.  The only thing....well, the only person I can think of that....I mean, Who is all of those things is my amazing Savior Jesus Christ.

In my times of recoiling into my anxious thoughts, I should be thinking about Him, my Savior Christ. I should take time to acknowledge His greatness, His power and my amazing need for His grace. I should rise up, reach out my hands and allow my Savior to carry me out of those anxious thoughts and set me in a wide open space.  It says in Philippians 4:5 (second part) & 6
"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

Even now, after writing all this, my heart is pounding.  I am apprehensive to publish this, but here it goes.....