If I do not focus on the reality of God's greatness, His Sovereignty, His goodness, His lovingkindness, His salvation, His freedom, His hope, His message,...I get mentally bombarded by so many worries and fears. As the Lord has called me to invest His Love and His Word into the lives of college women.....any women for that matter, I get continuous thoughts of "what if...", especially when I am not centering my thoughts and my daily routine around the reality of Christ---of His redemption story---of His Sovereignty and His calling on my life.
When my mind is unguarded, I get bombarded with thoughts like, "What if I didn't do this ministry full time and started up my own business?" Or "What if I didn't do ministry and just stayed at home with my son all day?" Or "What if I just stopped doing ministry for a time to pursue a career that would bring in lots of needed financial help to my family; knocking out the debts we have and giving us the chance to start ministering to college kids again some other day in the future?" Or "What if we (my husband and I) stayed in Oklahoma and didn't go to Pennsylvania to be collegiate ministers?" "What if I became a well known florist or song-writer/singer or a respected and sought after teacher?"
OH MY GOODNESS!! These questions bombard me almost daily. And each time they do, if I'm not grounded in the TRUTH that God, the Almighty Lord of all, has called me to minister here in Pennsylvania, I get beat down by the "what ifs" to the point of extreme frustration and stress. It's not that I believe thinking what if questions are bad, it's just frustrating to me when I allow those type of questions to dominate my thoughts. Being a business owner, a stay at home mom, a debt-free family, a minister in Oklahoma are not bad things or unworthy things to me AT ALL; they are great things. I just struggle because many times, these questions about these occupations or positions get in the way of my focus to be the best at my and my husband's current calling to collegiate ministry at West Chester University. My husband and I firmly believe the Almighty God has called us and is calling our hearts (even still) to be in Pennsylvania and be his workers in ministry to the people we meet...more specifically to the people at West Chester University.
So, it is up to me to decide daily what I am going to allow myself to be surrounded by. Will I hide myself in the Most High God's protection and strength? Or Will I surround myself with the reality of the great expenses of where we live? Or Will I hide myself in the fears of "missing out" on something "great"? Will I hide myself in the pursuit of success......the kind of success that is only for my gain? Only God knows. NO MATTER WHAT, everyday I am surrounded....
Surrounded by God's love, whether I like it or not.
Surrounded by God's forgiveness, though I do not deserve it.
Surrounded by amazing friends and people of God who love me in spite of my crazy self.
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